Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
