You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
