i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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