so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
