I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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