I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He did a backflip because drugs
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