So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
