I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
