Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
