i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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