Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
