hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
