After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
