I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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