I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
