what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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