who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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