hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
