some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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