Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
