he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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