Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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