i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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