He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Randomize
