A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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