in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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