you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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