i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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