what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
