I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
