I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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