ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
