My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm sobbing to NWA
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
