smell my finger.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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