You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
