If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
