I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
