shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
