No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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