how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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