I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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