The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
