If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
