I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
