the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
