Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
