Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
