Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
