Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You took a bar mat shot.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
