Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
