I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
