I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
