i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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