imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
